


Welcome To Hell, Chucklefucks!

by Kage_Musha



Category: Monster Prom (Visual Novel)
Genre: Liam was the true badass all along, Multi, Other, Scott Howl is best boy, chatfic, green is not a creative color :)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-03 11:11:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14567760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kage_Musha/pseuds/Kage_Musha
Summary: Ah, Spooky High School... some of the best (and weirdest) years of any young monster's life. A place for the youth to learn from their elders, hone their skills, and occasionally maim some of their classmates.But these are teenagers we're talking about.------------------------------"DABADEEDABADAA: yo, what if i stuck a fork in the schools circuit breaker?Green: vicky, we've talked about thisPARTY GHOUL: do it, u wontStone-Gazed Bitch: ...There are three types of people in this world.Stone-Gazed Bitch: Oh, there go the lights. And all of the school's power."





	1. Beginnings and Repressed Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Brian: Whom'st’d’ve'dist’d'n’t'st’d’ve’ll’s’d’ve’re'n’t'y'all’ll'ven’t."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've fallen down the MP rabbit hole; time for the obligatory chatfic

_5:42 PM_

_**Polly Geist** created  **Class of '18 GC**_

**Polly Geist:** yooooo what is UP my DUDES

 **Scott Howl:**  Hi polly! Whats this!

 **Polly Geist:** A groupchat! duh!

 **Scott Howl:** Oh okay!

 **Scott Howl:** Whats a groupchat!

 **Brian:** never change, scott. never change

 **Polly Geist:** lol hey bri

 **Brian:** sup

 **Polly Geist:** anyways scott a groupchat is just normal texting except its with a GROUP

 **Polly Geist:** so 'groupchat'

 **Scott Howl:** Ohhhhhh okay!

 **Liam de Lioncourt:** What the hell is this?

 **Polly Geist:** groupchat

 **Polly Geist:** i already explained

 **Polly Geist:** scroll up if u dont get it

 **Liam de Lioncourt:** I know _what_ a groupchat is. I want to know  _why_ I am in one.

 **Polly Geist:** cuz were gonna graduate together! which means were a SQUAD

 **Polly Geist:** #squadgoals

 **Liam de Lioncourt:** That implies I wantto be here. Which I do  _not_.

_**Liam de Lioncourt** has left  **Class of '18 GC**_

**Polly Geist:** i think the fuck NOT

_**Liam de Lioncourt** has been added to  **Class of '18 GC**_

**Liam de Lioncourt:** No.

_**Liam de Lioncourt**  has left  **Class of '18 GC**_

**Polly Geist:** GET BACK HERE YOU ASSHAT

_**Liam de Lioncourt**  has been added to  **Class of '18 GC**_

**Liam de Lioncourt:** I said NO.

_**Liam de Lioncourt**  has left  **Class of '18 GC**_

**Polly Geist:** B I T C H

_**Liam de Lioncourt**  has been added to  **Class of '18 GC**_

 

 **Liam de Lioncourt:** LET ME LIVE MY LIFE IN RELATIVE PEACE

 **Polly Geist:** I WILL NOT HESITATE TO STAB YOU

_**Liam de Lioncourt**  is no longer able to leave  **Class of '18 GC**_

**Liam de Lioncourt:** WAIT

 **Liam de Lioncourt:** WHAT

 **Polly Geist:** lol get wreked nerd

 **Liam de Lioncourt:**   _WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO_

 **Polly Geist:** got vera to hack your phone

 **Vera Oberlin:** I expect full payment within the week.

 **Polly Geist:** i got it i got it

 **Liam de Lioncourt:** WHY

 **Polly Geist:** cuz #squadgoals is why

 **Vera Oberlin:** She offered me a full blackmail dossier, is also why.

 **Brian:** ...on who, exactly?

 **Vera Oberlin:** The school staff.

 **Vera Oberlin:** I expect it to be  _very_ useful in the next four years.

 **Vera Oberlin:** And if not for me, then for some other poor, unfortunate soul who is willing to pay an arm and a leg to get out of a spot of trouble.

 **Vera Oberlin:** Their arm and leg, to be exact. Along with a sizable amount of money.

 **Brian:**...what have you done, polly?

 **Polly Geist:** lol maybe SOMEBODY shoulda just stayed in the gc to begin with

 **Brian:**...you're right

 **Brian:** liam, what have you done?

 **Liam de Lioncourt:** Fuck off.

 **Brian:** understandable, have a nice day.

 **Vicky Steinford:** hey guys! is this a groupchat?

 **Polly Geist:** u bet ur ASS it is!

 **Vicky Steinford:** niiiiiiiiice

 **Vicky Steinford:** although.... its a little boring... :/

 **Polly Geist:** _W H A T_

 **Vicky Steinford:** yeah, like, were all using our own names instead of nicknames? BORING

 **Polly Geist:** omg i didnt even think of that

_**Polly Geist** has changed their username to  **PARTY GHOUL**_

**Vicky Steinford:** HELL YEAH

 **PARTY GHOUL:** HELL YEAH

 **Scott Howl:** Hell yeah!

 **Amira Pyrrico:** HELL YEAH

 **Vicky Steinford:** A M I R A <3

 **Amira Pyrrico:** lol, sup nerd? <3

 **PARTY GHOUL:** i feel blessed knowing i was the one to get amira in the chat

 **Amira Pyrrico:** girl, i only just found my phone

 **Amira Pyrrico:** fuckin thing was buzzing nonstop cuz of liams bs

 **Amira Pyrrico:** but yeah, name change was pretty dope

 **Liam de Lioncourt:** WHY IS IT  _MY_ FAULT?

 **Amira Pyrrico:** shoulda just stayed in the gc, my dude

 **Liam de Lioncourt:** FUCK NO

 **Oz:** um... is this a bad time?

 **Vicky Steinford:** OZZY!

 **Amira Pyrrico:** OZZY-POO!!!

 **Brian:** sup ozzy

 **Oz:** oh...  hi guys ^^

 **Vicky Steinford:** yeeesssss, the gangs all ehre

 **Amira Pyrrico:** ehre

 **Brian:** ehre

 **Oz:** ehre

 **Vicky Steinford:**  wow, guess pollys my only friend now

 **PARTY GHOUL:**  ehre

 **Vicky Steinford:** ...sorry, did i say polly? i meant scott

 **Scott Howl:**  Don't worry vicky! I type bad all the time too!!!

 **Vicky Steinford:**  literal ray of sunshine

 **Vicky Steinford:** too good, too pure for this world

 **Vicky Steinford:** 10/10 best boy

 **Vicky Steinford:** speaking of....

_**Scott Howl** had their username changed to  **Best Boy**_

**Best Boy:** 7tfuqijpjeqivod!!!

 **Damien LaVey:** WHY DOES SCOTT LOOK LIKE HES HAVING A STROKE.

 **Damien LaVey:** OH.

 **Damien LaVey:** ACCURATE. CONTINUE.

 **PARTY GHOUL:** i cant believe even our resident ball of rage knows that scott is too pure to be corrupted

 **Damien LaVey:** ^INACCURATE. THERE'S NOTHING I CANNOT EVENTUALLY CORRUPT.

 **Damien LaVey:** SCOTT HAS JUST DONE LITERALLY NOTHING WRONG IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE.

 **Damien LaVey:** I MAY WANT TO KILL EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING, BUT I HAVE STANDARDS.

 **Amira Pyrrico:** yknow, for all of damiens screaming and raging, he can be pretty chill over text

 **Damien LaVey:**  BITCH ILL RIP YOUR FUCKING VOCAL CHORDS OUT THROUGH YOUR ANUS

 **PARTY GHOUL:** k so A, THERE he is

 **PARTY GHOUL:** B, thats p chill compared to ur normal death threats

 **Damien LaVey:** THIS IS MY FIFTH PHONE THIS MONTH. MY DADS WON'T GET ME A SIXTH UNTIL SOPHOMORE YEAR  _AT LEAST_.

 **Damien LaVey:**  I'M NOT PREPARED TO LAST THAT LONG WITHOUT A PHONE.

 **Amira Pyrrico:** im 90% sure vera can get your phone fixed if you break it

 **Damien LaVey:** OH, I ALREADY TALKED TO HER.

 **Damien LaVey:** I'D RATHER WAIT UNTIL THE END OF HIGH SCHOOL THAN PAY  _THAT_ KIND OF PRICE.

 **Vera Oberlin:** My price remains unchanged. Your other horn, and your phone will be good as new.

 **PARTY GHOUL:** yo vera

 **PARTY GHOUL:** what the fuck do u need a demon horn for

 **Vera Oberlin:** Witch covens are always high in demand for...  _exotic_ ingredients. Either for known rituals they wish to perform, or for experimentation.

 **Vera Oberlin:** And not a  _single_ coven has ever obtained a demon horn.

 **Vera Oberlin:** I expect to gain quite a profit off of having a demon's horn in my stock.

 **Damien LaVey:**  THERES A GOOD FUCKING REASON BITCH COVENS DONT HAVE DEMON HORNS

 **Oz:** um... Damien? don't you mean 'witch'?

 **Damien LaVey:**  DID I FUCKING STUTTER??

 **Oz:** never mind

 **Vicky Steinford:** are we gonna finish changing names??

 **PARTY GHOUL:** fuc yeah we will

_**Vicky Steinford** had their username changed to  **DABADEEDABADAA**_

**DABADEEDABADAA:** ...i dont get it?

 **PARTY GHOUL:** oh you innocent child

 **PARTY GHOUL:** [enjoy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BinWA0EenDY)

 **Brian:** god, not this again

 **DABADEEDABADAA:** ...i get it now

 **DABADEEDABADAA:** ...and im vaguely offended you would reduce me to the color of my clothing?

 **Damien LaVey:** WHY ARE YOU PLAYING TRASHY HUMAN MUSIC???

 **PARTY GHOUL:** dude...

 **PARTY GHOUL:** im a ghost

 **Damien LaVey:** YES? AND?

 **PARTY GHOUL:** I USED TO BE HUMAN YOU STUPID DICK

 **Brian:** not that i'm defending that stupid song, but same?

 **Amira Pyrrico:** and im half human half fire djinn?

 **Amira Pyrrico:** way to be racist, damien

 **Damien LaVey:** UH

 **Damien LaVey:** SORRY?

 **PARTY GHOUL:** *judgemental stare*

 **Damien LaVey:** WHY THE FUCK

_**Damien LaVey** had their username changed to  **A KNIFE**_

**A KNIFE:** ...I'M CONFUSED, BUT GO ON

 **PARTY GHOUL:**  [:P](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pjpQot6J7k)

 **Brian:** wow, real-life footage of damien lavey as a child

 **A KNIFE:** ...I'VE ONLY KNOWN THIS HUMAN CHILD FOR TEN SECONDS

 **A KNIFE:** BUT IF ANYTHING WERE TO HAPPEN TO HIM I WOULD KILL EVERYONE IN THIS SCHOOL (EXCEPT SCOTT) AND THEN MYSELF

 **Amira Pyrrico:** oh, worm?

 **PARTY GHOUL:** the biggest of worms

 **Brian:** worm, mood?

 **Vera Oberlin:** Did the three of you simultaneously suffer aneurysms?

 **Vera Oberlin:** That's the only possible explanation for why I read what I just read.

 **Brian:** it's a human thing

 **Vera Oberlin:** ...I suppose that's  _also_ sufficient enough of an answer.

 **PARTY GHOUL:** lul humans ftw

 **PARTY GHOUL:** anyways chop chop yall. i want this chat nicknames only 

 **Brian:** "y'all."

 **PARTY GHOUL:** oh shut up its faster

 **Brian:** y'ain't.

 **PARTY GHOUL:** y'all'd've'f'i'd've

 **Brian:**  Whom'st’d’ve'dist’d'n’t'st’d’ve’ll’s’d’ve’re'n’t'y'all’ll'ven’t.

 **Vera Oberlin:** ...There is no way either of you are speaking English anymore.

 **Brian:** and yet, we are

 **PARTY GHOUL:** I DONT SEE NEW NICKNAMES

 **Brian:** jesus christ, fine

_**Brian** changed their username to  **Green**_

**PARTY GHOUL:** ugh laaaaaaaame

 **Green:** sorry, i'm not feeling very  _creative_

 **Amira Pyrrico:**  .........

 **Amira Pyrrico:**...FUCK 

 **Amira Pyrrico:** MY REPRESSED MEMORIES

 **Amira Pyrrico:** YOU EVIL ZOMBIE

 **Green:**  what's that, a healthy snack? you don't wanna eat a snack like that.

 **Green:** greedy to eat all that; yOU'll eNd uP wITh YoUr teeTH aLL gRAy

 **PARTY GHOUL:** S T O P

 **Green:** D i G i T a L d A n C i N g D i G i T a L d A n C i N g D i G i T a L d A n C i N g D i G i T a L d A n C i N g D i G i T a L d A n C i N g D i G i T a L d A n C i N g D i G i T a L d A n C i N g D i G i T a L d A n C i N g D i G i T a L d A n C i N g D i G i T a L d A n C i N g D i G i T a L d A n C i N g D i G i T a L d A n C i N g D i G i T a L d A n C i N g D i G i T a L d A n C i N g D i G i T a L d A n C i N g D i G i T a L d A n C i N g D i G i T a L d A n C i N g D i G i T a L d A n C i N g D i G i T a L d A n C i N g D i G i T a L d A n C i N g D i G i T a L d A n C i N g D i G i T a L d A n

 **Amira Pyrrico:** oanegniaUBANKFONWICOKIONFOAVOIKNIOK

 **PARTY GHOUL:** BRIAN PLEASE HAVE MERCY

 **Green:** Malcolm.

_**PARTY GHOUL** has disconnected_

**_Amira Pyrrico_ ** _has disconnected_

 **Green:** lol

 **A KNIFE:** WHAT

 **Vera Oberlin:** ...Should I bother asking?

 **Green:** depends.

 **Green:**  do you feel like watching a parody of human children's television shows that slowly becomes more and more corrupt and macabre as the episode continues on?

 **Vera Oberlin:** Actually, yes. Yes I do.

 **Green:** cool, [here's the link to the first episode.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9C_HReR_McQ)

 **A KNIFE:** SHIT, I GOTTA CHECK THIS OUT

...

..

...

_6:57 PM_

**_PARTY_ ** _**GHOUL** is back online!_

 **PARTY GHOUL:** ...is it over?

 **A KNIFE:** LET'S GET CREATIVE, MOTHERFUCKERS

_**PARTY GHOUL** has disconnected_

**Vera Oberlin:** That was honestly more enjoyable than I had anticipated.

 **Vera Oberlin:** Granted, the more mundane aspects of it were a little hard to bear, but the build-up over time was quite worth the trouble.

 **Green:** i've honestly never heard people talk about how they enjoyed the disturbing bits.

 **Green:** it's mostly just people gushing over how witty of a commentary it is

 **A KNIFE:** I LIKED THE GOREY PARTS

 **Green:** i'm glad you do, damien

 **Green:** anyways, are we gonna finish with the name changes?  **@Oz** , **@Vera Oberlin** ,  **@Liam de Lioncourt**

 **Green:**  (i'll have to check with amira in person)

 **Liam de Lioncourt:** Leave me out of your bullshit.

 **Green:** i mean... you either change your name on your own, or someone else does it for you.

 **Liam de Lioncourt:** ...

_**Liam de Lioncourt** changed their username to  **Doneᵀᴹ**_

**Doneᵀᴹ:** Are you  _satisfied_?

 **Green:** yup.

 **Doneᵀᴹ:** Good.

 **Vera Oberlin:** Do I  _have_ to change my name?

 **Green:** i mean, i don't think any of us could force you to change your username. much less change it ourselves.

 **Green:** but it  _is_ a little fun...

 **Vera Oberlin:** ...If I must.

 **_Vera Oberlin_ ** _changed their username to_ _**Stone-Gazed Bitch** _

**Oz:** Amira is with me! she refuses to come back for at least another hour, so she gave me permission to change her name myself

 _**Amira Pyrrico** _ _had their username changed to_ _**Playing With Fire** _

**Green:** very nice

 **Green:** now it's your turn, oz

 **Oz:** ooh,, uhhh,,, ddo ii havvvee ttooo?

 **Green:** same thing i told vera earlier; you don't have to, but it could be fun

 **Oz:** knnaioaiooaoanoaioaefnioaeknvdlnv

 **Oz:** i cccann'''t ttthinnkk ooff annnythhinng

 **Green:** dude

 **Green:** my name is  _literally_ the color of my skin. and clothes. and general accessories.

 **Green:** it doesn't have to be super deep, or super personal, or super anything.

 **Green:** and you don't even have to keep it if you change your mind later!

 **Green:** as long as you're happy with it, it'll be a good name

 **Green:** :)

 **DABADEEDABADAA:**  holy shit. ive never seen brian emote.

 **DABADEEDABADAA:** but yeah, what he said ozzy! (ღˇ◡ˇ)~♥

 **Oz:** BBBrriaaannnn

 **Oz:** VVviiicckyyy

 **A KNIFE:** CAN YOU GUYS GO BE GROSS SOMEWHERE ELSE?

 **DABADEEDABADAA:** aannnnnndddd way to kill the mood, damien

 **A KNIFE:** I DO WHAT I CAN.

 **Oz:** .....ppleaase ddon''t laaughh?

 **Green:** no one is gonna laugh, oz

_7:09 PM_

**_Green_ ** _to **+5 others**_

 **Green:** If Any Of You Laugh I Will Destroy You And Everything You Hold Dear

 **Green:** The Fields Of Punishment Will Not Hold A Candle To The Pain I Will Inflict Upon You

 **A KNIFE:** ...ANYONE ELSE VAGUELY TURNED ON BY BRIAN'S DEATH THREATS?

 **Vera Oberlin:** Yes.

 **Green:** S H U T

_7:10 PM_

**_Class of '18 GC_ **

**_Oz_ ** _changed their name to **F E A R**_

 **F E A R:** uuhhh,,, ii kkknoow itt'''s noott aaas gooodd aass thhee rrresst......

 **Green:** Oz.

 **F E A R:** yyyyyeeeessss????

 **Green:** It's a good name.

 **F E A R:** ioaffkscoaeiginacseoughoifhuh

 **F E A R:** hey its amira. any reason why oz is freaking out rn?

 **F E A R:** oh

 **F E A R:**  never mind. Continue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our Wonderful Cast:
> 
> FEAR: Oz/Yellow  
> Playing With Fire: Amira/Red  
> Green: Brian/Green  
> DABADEEDABADAA: Vicky/Blue  
> [To Be Introduced]: Miranda Vanderbilt  
> A KNIFE: Damien LaVey  
> Best Boy: Scott Howl  
> Doneᵀᴹ: Liam de Lioncourt  
> PARTY GHOUL: Polly Geist  
> Stone-Gazed Bitch: Vera Oberlin
> 
> [Yes, I KNOW Miranda wasn't introduced yet. Don't worry, I have a plan for her ( ^u-)~* ]


	2. Mysteries & Accidental Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Doneᵀᴹ: Which One Of You Fuckheads Took My Journal?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FEAR: Oz/Yellow  
> Playing With Fire: Amira/Red  
> Green: Brian/Green  
> DABADEEDABADAA: Vicky/Blue  
> [To Be Introduced]: Miranda Vanderbilt  
> A KNIFE: Damien LaVey  
> Best Boy: Scott Howl  
> Doneᵀᴹ: Liam de Lioncourt  
> PARTY GHOUL: Polly Geist  
> Stone-Gazed Bitch: Vera Oberlin

_10:56 AM_

**_Class of '18 GC_  
**

**Stone-Gazed Bitch:** Long story short: I  _can_  turn people to stone, it's just extremely exhausting and something that I use only in extenuating circumstances.

 **Green:** wow.

 **Green:** remind me to never get on your bad side.

 **F E A R:** ccann yyou tturrnn thhemm bbackk??

 **Stone-Gazed Bitch:** ...I've never tried.

 **Stone-Gazed Bitch:** And, frankly, I don't quite care to put in the time and effort.

 **F E A R:** unnderrstanddable,, hhave a nnicce ddayy....

 **Doneᵀᴹ:** My journal is missing. Would anyone happen to know of its current location?

 **Green:** your... journal?

 **Doneᵀᴹ:** Yes, my journal.

 **Doneᵀᴹ:** You know, a book in which you write your  _private_ thoughts and feelings.

 **Doneᵀᴹ:** A book which only  _one_ person is ever meant to read.

 **Doneᵀᴹ:** A book that I  _would not have given to anyone else yet is still somehow not in its normal location_.

 **Doneᵀᴹ:** So, I ask again...

 **Doneᵀᴹ:** Which One Of You Fuckheads Took My Journal?

 **Green:** if we're talking 'most likely suspects' here...

 **Green:** ...my money's gonna have to go on damien.

 **Doneᵀᴹ:** I already dosed him with Truth Serum.

 **Doneᵀᴹ:** He does not have it.

 **Green:** well shit, i'm all outta ideas.

 **Green:** but now i have entertainment. excuse me while i go wring out damien's deepest, darkest secrets.

 **Doneᵀᴹ:** It has definitely worn off by now.

 **Doneᵀᴹ:** Also, he's on a rampage because of his violated consent.

 **Doneᵀᴹ:** I do feel bad in retrospect, but I  _was_ rather certain he had taken my journal.

 **Doneᵀᴹ:** I felt it was only fair.

 **Stone-Gazed Bitch:** Have you tried Polly? She seems like the type of ghost to snoop through other people's private belongings.

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**...I will return shortly.

 **Green:** i wonder if polly can feel the knife you stabbed in her back right now?

 **Stone-Gazed Bitch:** A.) She's a ghost. She can't feel pain.

 **Stone-Gazed Bitch:** B.) She's probably completely wasted right now. There's no way for her to know that I said anything to Liam.

 **Stone-Gazed Bitch:** C.) Did you honestly expect anything less of me?

 **Green:**  you make valid arguments. allow me to counter.

 **Green:** 1.) Screw you.

 **Stone-Gazed Bitch:** And this is why you're not on the Speech  & Debate Team.

 **Doneᵀᴹ:** She does not have it.

 **Stone-Gazed Bitch:** How'd you figure that one out?

 **Doneᵀᴹ:** She is currently passed out in the Gym. Coach verified that she's been there since school started this morning, and my journal has gone missing somewhere within that time-frame.

 **Doneᵀᴹ:** She could not have done it.

 **F E A R:** sshouldd wwe jjusstt ggo ddowwnn tthhe llistt thhenn?

 **Doneᵀᴹ:** Sigh.

 **Doneᵀᴹ:** There are no other notable options, so I guess that is what we will have to do.

 **Doneᵀᴹ:** Amira.

 **Green:** me and oz can verify that both of us, her, and vicky have been stuck in class together since school started. none of us took your journal.

 **Doneᵀᴹ:** Alright, what about Miranda?

 **Stone-Gazed Bitch:** Her father requested a leave of absence for Miranda; apparently, there's a crisis within the royal family.

 **Stone-Gazed Bitch:** She's been gone for the past two days, and she won't return until next Monday.

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**...Do  _you_ have it, Vera?

 **Stone-Gazed Bitch:** Ten dollars RemitMate and I'll answer.

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**...Fine.

 **Stone-Gazed Bitch:** No, I don't have it.

 **Stone-Gazed Bitch:** Thank you for your valuable donation.

 **Doneᵀᴹ:** Fuck off.

 **F E A R:** Bllobertt???

 **Green:** if he  _did_ have it, it would probably be pretty obvious.

 **Green:** clear body + no pockets = no hiding place.

 **Green:** maybe the wolfpack?

 **Doneᵀᴹ:** There is  _no way_ they could have stolen my journal without my notice. They are way too loud, too smelly, and too dumb to pull that off.

 **Stone-Gazed Bitch:** ...It might have been that human running around?

 **Green:** you mean slayer? nah, she would've killed liam before taking the journal.

 **Green:** and using it as bait  _to_ kill him isn't her m.o. either; she likes head-on confrontations that end up as duels to the death.

 **Green:** except she can't actually beat anyone at this school. and no one's killed her yet.

 **F E A R:** Thhe Covvenn??

 **Stone-Gazed Bitch:** The Coven usually keep to themselves. It is extremely unlikely they would attempt to steal Liam's journal.

 **Stone-Gazed Bitch:** Unless the journal has specific arcane properties that interest them?

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**  The only magical properties linked to my journal are its never-ending supply of pages. Other than that, it is perfectly mundane.

 **Stone-Gazed Bitch:** Most store-bought journals have that enchantment attached, nowadays.

 **Stone-Gazed Bitch:** It would certainly not interest The Coven enough for them to steal it.

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**...Do we have no other leads?

 **Stone-Gazed Bitch:** The only two options we haven't considered yet are Valerie and Scott.

 **Stone-Gazed Bitch:** If Valerie had it, she would have tried to sell it already. But none of her daily wares contain any sort of book.

 **Green:** ...so... Scott?

 **Best Boy:** Hi! I saw my name pop up and i got excited because that means you want to talk to me!

 **Green:** hi scott. yes, we would like to ask you a question.

 **Best Boy:** Oh! I dont like questions! I usually get them wrong!

 **Green:** it's okay scott, i promise this is an easy question.

 **Best Boy:** Hmmm okay!

 **Green:** liam is missing his journal. do you happen to have it, or have any idea where it might be?

 **Best Boy:** I dont have a journal!

 **Green:** hmmmm, alright then.

 **Best Boy:** I do have this book that liam wrote! I didnt know he was an author!

 **Green:** thanks for your what did you say?

 **Best Boy:** Yeah he wrote this book ive got! It says so under the title! Liam de lioncourt!

 **Green:** ...what's the title?

 **Best Boy:** It says diary! So its not his missing journal! Sorry i cant help you guys!

 **Doneᵀᴹ:** Scott.

 **Doneᵀᴹ:** How did you get that book.

 **Best Boy:** You dropped it out in the hallway! Remember how we bumped into each other this morning! I think you grabbed one of my textbooks instead of your book and then you ran off before i noticed! I tried to give it back to you after first period but coach blew the whistle so i had to get to the gym or i would have been bad! And then after gym i tried to find you but your scent was alllll over school so i couldnt figure out where you were! And i thought about texting you but i remember you hated using the group chat so i couldnt let you know! Im out in front of the front doors if you want your book back!

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**...I'll be there in a minute. Please don't go anywhere.

 **Best Boy:** Okay!

 **Green:** ...that was...

 **Stone-Gazed Bitch:** Anticlimactic?

 **Green:** ...in a word, yeah.

 **Green:** **/pm [F E A R] [Stone-Gazed Bitch]** D I A R Y?????

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**...I can tell that you are mocking me behind my back, you know.

 **Green:** whhaaaaaaat? i dont know what youre talking about????

 **Doneᵀᴹ:** Your slight change in typing style is all the answer I need.

 **Green:**  crap.

 **Doneᵀᴹ:** YES, it's labeled as a "Diary". Do I care? Not really.

 **Stone-Gazed Bitch:** Then why didn't you originally refer to it as such?

 **Doneᵀᴹ:** I had a feeling that, if I used 'diary' while asking for help, none of you would have taken me seriously.

 **Green:** ...you have a slight point.

 **F E A R:** BRIAN

 **Green:** i'm not gonna sugarcoat, oz.

 **Green:** like, yeah, we would've laughed a little. cuz it's you. and you have a diary? that's so cliche i'm surprised you haven't tried to burn it already.

 **Green:** that doesn't mean we would've refused to help.

 **Stone-Gazed Bitch:** Not to mention that referring to your missing 'journal' as a diary would probably have clued in Scott much sooner. And you would not have spent so much time worrying.

 **Green:** ^^^^^^^^^

 **Green:** look li. you can be a jerk sometimes.

 **Green:** but (i would  _hope_ ) we're still your friends. if something happens and you seriously need help, we've got your back.

 **F E A R:**  ssamme!!

 **Stone-Gazed Bitch:** ...I'll give you a 10% discount on my services, if need be.

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**....

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**  ...oh look its scott id better get my diary back

_**Doneᵀᴹ** has disconnected_

**Green:** so, i guess your hack doesn't extend to temporary leave of absences from the group chat?

 **Stone-Gazed Bitch:** I suppose it doesn't.

 **Best Boy:** Hi again! Does anyone know why liams face is wet! Also did anyone punch liams eyes! His eyes look purplier than normal and purple means bruises!

 **Green:** don't worry scott. liam's just fine.

 **Best Boy:** Oh okay!

 **Green:** although... i think hugging could help with the bruises...

 **Best Boy:** Hugs! I can do hugs! Hugs for liam!

 **F E A R:** ppicss orr itt diddn''t hhapppenn

 **Green:** don't worry, i've got a window seat.

**Green sent [hugsforliam.jpeg]**

**Green sent [liamtheangrybean.jpeg]**

**Green sent [ACCEPTYOURFATELIAM.jpeg]**

**Green:** anyways, scott is and always has been the best of all boys. thanks for coming to my ted talk.

 **Stone-Gazed Bitch:** Can you please _stop_ with the human media references?

 **Green:** n e v e r

_1:34 PM_

_Direct Messages between **Best Boy** and  **Doneᵀᴹ**_

**Doneᵀᴹ:**  YOU READ IT???

 **Best Boy:** Im sorry! I wanted to see what you wrote because you public shed a book!

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**  Scott.

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**  That is a  _diary_.

 **Best Boy:** Okay!

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**  ...Which means it is meant to be  _private._

 **Best Boy:** Ohhhhhhhhh!

 **Best Boy:** Im sorry! I can unread it if that helps!

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**  ...How on earth do you 'unread' something?

 **Best Boy:** You read it from end to start! Using a mirror!

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**  ...

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**  thats

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**  i dont

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**  what

 **Best Boy:** I did it before! I remember we had to read old yeller for english class in six grade! But the ending was really sad i think so i unread it to make sure i forgot it!

 **Doneᵀᴹ:** I repeat: what

 **Best Boy:** And it worked! But i failed the book report on it!

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**...Alright, well, I appreciate the sentiment, but I would rather my diary stay close to my person for the time being.

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**  Losing it was probably the fifth-scariest moment of my life; I do not wish for it to possibly happen again.

 **Best Boy:** Okay! Just let me know if you want me to unread it!

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**  I... will keep that in mind, thank you.

_7:34 PM_

**_Class of '18 GC_ **

**Best Boy:** Hey guys!

 **DABADEEDABADAA:** hey scott! whats up?

 **Best Boy:** I have a question!

 **DABADEEDABADAA:** shoot.

 **Best Boy:** Whos jack church hill?

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**  WHAT PART OF PRIVATE DONT YOU UNDERSTAND?!?!?

 **DABADEEDABADAA:**  holy shit liam calm down...

 **Green:** i had to use boogle to figure out what scott's talking about. jack  _churchill_ , to put it simply, was probably the biggest badass wwii ever produced.

 **Green:** he fought in a war of guns and bombs, and the only weapons he used were a longbow and a claymore. and also his bagpipes.

 **Green:** why are you asking?

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**  SCOTT I SWEAR TO GOD DONT DO IT

 **Best Boy:** But why!

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**  "P R I V A T E"

 **Best Boy:** But these are our friends! Your supposed to share private things with friends!

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**  WERE TALKING ABOUT MY LIFE NOT YOURS

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**  THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS ASK ME WHETHER I WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW

 **Best Boy:** Okay!

 **Best Boy:** Is it alright if i talk about what i read with every one in the group chat!

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**  IWAOFMGEUBVAIOWnorwbeavtmry

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**  fuck it

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**  at this point theres no use in hiding it

 **Green:** ...

 **Green:** ...so from what context clues i'm getting here, liam is/was "mad jack" churchill.

 **Doneᵀᴹ:** yes

 **DABADEEDABADAA:** ...whoa.

 **A KNIFE:** YOU'VE GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME

 **A KNIFE:** THERE IS NO WAY WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THE SAME PERSON

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**  I can assure you, it's the truth.

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**  Don't believe me?

**Doneᵀᴹ sent [suckonmymedalsBITCHES.jpeg]**

**Green:** ...dude.

 **Green:** those are legit service medals.

 **A KNIFE:** HOLY SHIT

 **A KNIFE:**   _YOURE_ THE "HÖLLENBRUT ENGLÄNDER" THAT HAS ALL THE NAZIS BACK HOME FREAKED OUT?!?!

 **Doneᵀᴹ:** You actually  _associate_ with those vile excuses for human beings?!

 **A KNIFE:** DUMBASS, I LIVE IN HELL

 **A KNIFE:** IT'S LITERALLY MY FAMILY'S  _JOB_ TO TORTURE THOSE FUCKERS FOR ETERNITY

 **A KNIFE:** WHAT'S HILARIOUS IS I'VE GOT THIS ONE PIECE OF SHIT NAZI OFFICER WITH A HOLE IN HIS THROAT WHO  _FLIPS THE FUCK OUT_ WHENEVER HE SEES AN ARROW

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**  Ah yes, my finest shot.

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**  To be honest, I wasn't really aiming for any officer; I just so happened to see the enemy sergeant first, so that's who I killed.

 **Doneᵀᴹ:**  Next time you see him, let him know I regard his death with fondness quite often.

 **Playing With Fire:** holy shit

 **Playing With Fire:** liam was the true badass all along

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to clear up some things I mentioned in the chapter:
> 
> A.) While Liam IS over 400 years old, it is not unusual for him to have a diary. A multitude of different cultures have historical texts that are comparable to today's diaries. I believe the earliest known text considered to be a diary was written in the second half of the 2nd century AD. The actual WORD "diary" wasn't used until 1605 (specifically, in "Volpone" - Ben Carson), but that would still line up with Liam's canonical age.  
> B.) Jack Churchill IS a real person, and everything I described about him is (to the best of my knowledge) true. Or my personal opinion. He DOES sound like the biggest badass ever: he was decorated with six different medals, and is known to be the only British soldier to have felled an enemy soldier with a longbow during WWII. The nickname I gave him, however, is of my own creation [HÖLLENBRUT ENGLÄNDER = hell spawn englishman].
> 
> Anyways, fuck anyone who identifies as a Nazi. I hope Damien gets to practice torture methods on you in Hell :3


End file.
